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| Sunday, 27-Jun-2010 15:22 |
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an so it goes.
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goodbye fotopages. Perhaps i'll transfer some of my older stuff to tumblr. Perhaps.
http://txture.tumblr.com/post/742199216/eliot-rosewater-is-a-character-from-a-kurt
adieu.
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| Sunday, 9-May-2010 12:22 |
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untune
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thistle
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board
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insect
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harsh
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I've been gone a little while. I'm a different person now. In a fit of melancholy which rarely passes over me nowadays, I revisited this site. Its only been privy to a few. However, it got really heartening when I realised how many people actually stumbled upon it and took the time to leave encouraging comments. Seems like I've been so accustomed to getting knocked down on my ass that I couldn't see the positivity which was channeled my way. Perhaps in some diffusive, telepathic manner your thoughts reached me. In which case, congratulations on aiding the development of my burgeoning ego.
Things come and pass. Every day is a struggle...I had a few more open-ended cliches in mind, wanted to evoke that stattacco beat of well-placed sentances. I don't know. I don't feel it anymore. Somedays I have a glimpse of it, an intimation. Truth of the matter is, this change I've been gunning for, this advancement and growth I've been chasing after has led me down one rigid path. Sure, I branched off here and there, got lost and regained ground a couple of times. But all in all, I pushed myself down this corridor where I was assured in the comfort of routine and isolation. I grew to love the solitary nature of my pursuits, the late night lights and the stale skin and placid walls. Its foolish to believe, I realise now, it's so foolish to believe that we're gonna be the same always, no matter how many bases we think we've covered by conceding that we're essentially existentially changing from one moment to the next.
I fall in love with the most beautiful things. Ideas. And the disparity between these ideas and the contexts, the reality and solidity of the actual moments we inhabit and are yet to inhabit, well....the disparity is disconcerting at times. But I know better than to lay down and die. Screw it, hows that ever helpful, considering such things?
I have my faith. I may be a little off track, but then again, thats the beauty of life innit? To discover one's self through these detours, unfortunate or otherwise. I've been trying to have it all. And I refuse to behave like a spoilt child who regresses with every disappointment it faces. I believe I'll encounter ideas, an idea, and negotiate it. Run it under water and carve it with tools till it takes the shape of what it need be.
"working my fingers to the goddamn bone"
I love the idea of the quest. The Odyssey. God, what an incredible story. In times of uncertainty, we must step out and face the world, allowing the idea of our fate guide us back to where we belong, even if it isn't where we started.
I'll be off to Borobudur in August. Something tells me it'll be worth it.
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| Tuesday, 16-Jun-2009 06:20 |
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off in lieu
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in the past 4 weeks, 2 of my closest relatives got married. Heavy feelings aside, it was rather fun watching them run around all stressed and worried just to fall back into the arms of the ones they love.
In the past, knights would roam plagued lands, seeking treasure and fame for the their fair maidens. The modern ritual of wedding planning more than makes up for the ache of conquest, with many analogies intact.
I suppose in that context, I dutifully played the part of squire and pageboy. For my loyal service, I was handed a ring, a rose and a bowl.
From the 1st couple, I was given a ring. In a ceremony that followed the one before, I acted as the younger brother and escorted the groom through the necessary rites.
From the 2nd couple, the rose. More a mark of my involvement than a proper keepsake. Nonetheless, This wedding involved more proclamations of love than ritualistic gestures.
On the same night I received the rose, the 1st couple, fresh from their honeymoon, passed me the bowl. I enjoy catching glimpses of it as my eyes search for the flower's decay or the ring's glistening reflection.
The grooms are 2 gentlemen I've spent my whole life looking up to. To see them take up the responsibilities of marriage, along with the obvious dedication they felt...well, scares the crap out of me, yet somehow sows the seeds of faith that quiescently remind me that "someday thats gonna be you, punk."
I shall refrain from loading the Ring, the Rose and the Bowl with puritanical euphemisms. The Rose was grown and plucked by loving hands. The Ring was forged with purpose, the bowl handmade (apparently) for hearts wishing to receive and remember.
Thats all the the reminding I'll need for now.
"Some flowers they never bloom,
Some flowers they just bloom dead"
- Wallflowers
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| Saturday, 18-Apr-2009 14:10 |
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insomnia
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not my hand.
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receiver
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what i gave it all away for.
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| Tuesday, 23-Dec-2008 09:07 |
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there's the star i used to wish on.
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"So there's the corner that I sat on
The road I walked home in the rain
And there's the star I used to wish on
It all just seems like yesterday"
- staind, 'the corner'
There's a choir in this behind the man who most probably saved my life.
Maybe it's an obsession, but I'm hung up on the past. I want to remember...what are you if not an accumulation of memories?
My gripe is that in this day of immediate gratification and over-inundation, we're all but too quick to forget...always being exhorted to 'move on'....
we're always moving aren't we....leaving all the details out.
and once we've arrived, we're looking to depart.
of course, in opposition to that, i'm becoming a relic. a dedication to a smoldering heap i helped to set fire to in the first place...all set on breathing in the fumes...
fuck this...i'm becoming prone to speaking in riddles. everyday, i'm reminded by the singular expressions around me about the thoughts i have facilitated and harboured. this is a direct result of an upbringing i have resented and emotions i have mishandled. yet to forget all this seems untruthful to me....so i carry on down this path towards the person i wish to be negated by the hard edges i have garnered over the years.
this year is coming to a close and i'll be spending new year's eve in the same place i was last year, in a friend's garden. i'll be fasting so i'll be sober. my friends will remind me of a resolution i made this time last year with regards to a somewhat inconsequential matter. and i'll remember....because i think i've become that resolution...and the resolve has carried consequences....good ones so far.
there're a few ways to remember....but the empty monuments to shrouded deities are insuffice...as popular as they are...
'It sheltered me from nothing but the weather
I called it home for a moment of my life
This place I see just doesn't look familiar
I wonder if it looks the same inside'
-Ibid
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| Tuesday, 18-Nov-2008 08:31 |
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:insuffice
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sometimes it seems as if eloquence is a hinderence. people perceive a heightened ability to convey one's thoughts and emotions and aspirations and beliefs as suspicious. perhaps if only just because ideas contrary to what one may regard as the truth can just as easily be expressed if the right amount of gusto is whipped up. perhaps its jealousy or some bitter disdain. perhaps its a knee jerk reaction to that which is antithetical to the horseshit we have shoved in our face by media (plural of medium) every waking second and have come to almost welcome. change is hard to swallow.
semester one is done. only 7 more cycles of this and i'm...still not there yet. however, i am satisfied. this project may not stir many a soul or even ripple the surface of the architectural community at large. it doesn't deal with complex problems or even propose a solution to the simpler ones. but it has been retched out with perhaps practically every inch of my soul and the results were appreciated by some. not all. God forbid i gain unanimous praise. maybe that one lecturer who sat by and shook his head understood this project more than the others and offered his place as 'the other'. ah...the good ol' 'other'...
so now the project's done and i have a few papers to sit for before i attend to procuring a part time job and leaving it all too soon for school to start once again.
and i shall wave good bye to that damned site and the studio and the classmates...swapping in the late nights at the cutting mat for late nights at the curb...drinking to the cutting mats and the classmates and the studio and that damned site....
i just love how all this falls into place...searching for the few moments of respite where i can say 'i am complete'.
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| Tuesday, 7-Oct-2008 14:44 |
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the storm and the fall
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give Lebbeus Woods his dues...
extrovert : the quality of character is defined by the world it encounters.
introvert : defined by private conclusions, encountering the world on his own terms.
as i sit and stew tonight, i realize i have come to be rich. i have gambled and won on experience and haven't much debt of regret. still there are those haunting moments which make the fairer ones blush.
school is a bitch. this is the first project. plywood.
second project. railway tracks. whoo.
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| Saturday, 30-Aug-2008 02:36 |
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recapitulate
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I have:
1) seen the sagrada familia
2) left the army
3) started school
4) grown a moustache
in that exact order...and...
5) taking it one day at a time.
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| Monday, 23-Jun-2008 13:58 |
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lets give it a try
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just got back in....was fetched home by my bossman....funny thing that...i didn't realise how much i had missed him in the 2 weeks he was away....made me think about the relationships i've formed....i'm not that bad off afterall i suppose....
i've been doing alot of thinking to mention it....still in that space in my head where the words are blunt knifes that only caress the surface of all that i wish to express...but i understand that this is transitory...just like everything else....
the pictures don't mean much, but all i wish to have....the moments i've had in the moments past the moments i struggle to hold on to...if but only momentarily...
ok i'm starting to sound like a prick....
actions that have betrayed the state of mind i wish to embrace:
1) cleaned/revamped my room upon returning from taiwan
2) piggy-backed a kid
3) got inked...again...
4) cut off all my hair
5) bought a shirt which actually fits
6) bought a guitar by ascertaining the timbre derived from the timber
7) watched a play
 reading a book about Buddha
9) this close to buying a ticket to spain
10) compiled a list of derivative compulsiveness in the vain hope that it will shew some sort of pattern from which i might actually get a blinkin clue....
"accept it, don't let it turn to stone
accept it, let it scream back at you"
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| Saturday, 17-May-2008 02:59 |
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spring cleaning
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never had no time they said...
its been a pretty crap week...culiminating in the discovery that i haven't nabbed either of the scholarships i applied for....then again, i was half-guessing it'd be abit too much if i had....last year was pretty kind, its about time i tasted some authentic fan-projected-shite...
i just got back from taiwan last week....its been a pretty busy bit of time in this army of mine....thus the absence...i had a good time...a really good time...
lots of slight epiphanies along the way...lotsa meaningful conversations and sly observations....i realised a few things and reinforced some of my many half-theoreticizied notions....i don't even know how to put it all down in a coherent manner....perhaps i need not...all i know is i came back from that trip a much more fulfilled man....
i think the encapsulation of the trip was my CO giving me 'catcher in the rye'....we had a good talk up on a hill somewhere in the middle of the night and i think he sized me up just right enough to think to refer me to such a great piece of literature that i definately benefitted from...Holden Caulfield resides....
and now i feel compelled to end with a subtle and subversively opinionated assertion....
which leads me on to think about this interesting conversation with someone i love talking to....and i realised that with the power of words, we are shackled to a realm with only so many dimensions but when trying to get a point across, the idea may transcend these mere plans and voids we navigate with our language...
so as i learn to 'siam' the pitfalls, i shall turn to other mediums....the picture speaks as much of the lensman as it does of the subject....
ah....there it is....
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